


Potential

by cranky__crocus



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-04
Updated: 2010-10-04
Packaged: 2017-10-12 10:09:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/123763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cranky__crocus/pseuds/cranky__crocus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cristina converses with Teddy about the past, present and future regarding hearts, love and work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Potential

**Author's Note:**

> The Cristina/Teddy aspect of Grey's Anatomy has always touched me. I love how Cristina dealt with it all. I love how Teddy dealt with it all. I love the connection and understanding they had. After the scene outside the hospital, I was inspired to write this story - have Cristina explain herself, flat out, so Teddy could understand. It seems appropriate to post it now, with present-day Cristina (S07E03) on the brink of losing her work. And, yes, what is Owen a part of if she doesn't have her work and life?

            Cristina’s eyes widened as she comprehended what had just left her lips: ‘Fine! Done! Take him!’ A surge of panic pierced her heart. Heart. That was exactly the trouble here: her heart; her love for hearts. Which trumped?

            It all flashed before her as she stared into Teddy’s equally wide blue eyes. Shock zapped between them at a rate that far overcame words; their brains were still ticking.

            Burke. Burke had been first. He had been her first mentor, the first person to let her as close to hearts as she wanted—needed—to be. For once, she had flourished. She had loved him for his gift: his gift in surgery, his gift of hearts, his gift of himself. She had loved him. She had known she didn’t have to love him to succeed—it had been a natural progression.

            There had been Hahn. Her skill was undeniable. Her potential for teaching had just spiked before she left: another amazing cardio surgeon to leave the halls of Seattle Grace, never to return again. At least it hadn’t been Cristina’s fault this time. Callie had taken responsibility for the latter leave, although upon brief discussion they agreed Hahn’s disagreement with the Chief was equally to blame.

            Dixon. Dixon was skilled with hearts, that was certain, but not with people. She wasn’t the Ice Queen of Hahn’s disposition. Asperger’s. It was different. Cristina knew she would never have fallen in with Dixon and her perfect surgeries, although she would have tried her hardest. Once more Seattle pushed away the potential for greatness in the most superior medical field, at least in Cristina’s opinion. Any surgeon, Asperger’s or no, could surmise that Seattle Grace’s halls were filled with more hormones, ridicule and adolescent competition than any hospital should ever suffer.

            Seattle Grace was a disease to her kind, Cristina Yang concluded, and she was infected. She was dying. Doctor Teddy Altman was her vaccination, her assurance that she could beat the disease and stay strong in its wake. Teddy could not become another victim to fall to Seattle Grace’s cardiac disease, or another to fall away due to Cristina.

            “Sit,” she commanded, gazing squarely at Teddy. They were technically outside hospital doors. Strictly speaking, they were equal. Cristina pointed to the nearest bench—an ironic bench, she realised in a dark recess of her mind—and sat. The blonde followed.

            “You know I didn’t mean that, precisely,” Yang began. When Teddy’s lips parted the brunette held up a finger. “I love Owen. But to understand how I love Owen, you have to understand my past. It has been a progression. My first love, forever and always, is cardio. My second true love was Burke—you’ve heard of him, I know you have. I fell in love with him because of cardio. I almost married him. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I would have done it for him. That’s why he left.

            “Owen is my first love outside of physical, real, blood-pumping hearts. I fell for his ingenuity in the field, at first…his compassion and humanity, when I know it often compensates for where I knowingly lack.” Yang sighed, glanced up at the stars. Frowned.

            Teddy watched her, unwilling or unable to speak.

            “Seattle Grace has hosted a number of brilliant cardiac surgeons. I have been lucky with few of them. They have all been driven away.” Cristina turned, watched the woman before her. “When I told you I’ll die here without you, I meant it, in a way. Owen can cater to my metaphorical heart, the portion of me I never expected to have touched while working in this hospital. I love that. But I don’t _need_ that. I _need_ belief in me…belief that I can perform, that I can think through crisis situations, that I can do exactly what you brought me through today. I need to be taught like that.” She took a breath. “I need you.”

            “Cristina, it doesn’t work like that—it’s not, it’s not a trade, it’s not two separate equations—”

            “It is for me,” the resident interrupted, her eyes fierce with passion. “I can live without my own heart functioning in that way; I notice what’s missing, but provided I have my first love—cardio—I live on. In love or no, I cannot live without cardio.” She sat back once more, shaking her head and drawing one knee up to her chest. “I want Owen. I love Owen. I know he’s not something I can trade, or something I would _want_ to trade. But he understands this about me: my work is my life. If I don’t get my work…I don’t really have my life. And if I don’t have my life, what exactly is Owen a part of?”

            The attending breathed deep and shifted her purse to her lap, glancing out over the parking lot. Moments ago she had been headed to her car, ready to leave and watch with tears as Seattle Grace left her rear-view mirror for the last time. Now she sat outside next to one of the most skilled residents she had ever seen, one with the potential to become the greatest of their field one day, and she was torn.

            “I won’t stop wanting Owen,” she conceded, frowning—at herself, the situation, life. “I’ve tried. It has been so long, and it’s still here. I would like to stop loving Owen.”

            “Then love him.” Cristina reached out her arm, splayed her fingers gently over Teddy’s shoulder; it was a rare gesture that ended quickly. “Love him, until it passes or no. Respect him and his wishes. Me and my wishes. Yourself and your needs. But stay. Stay here and teach me. Learn to love Owen as a friend. Stay.”

            “I’m not sure I can.”

            “Then try. You believed in me today, where I needed you belief to gather my own. To find the courage to make decisions, right or wrong, when the time called for it. Try.”

            “I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. (:


End file.
